Between each breath, there’s a pause, a moment where life itself seems to hold its breath. It’s not empty, but full. Full of potential, of awareness, of quiet being.
We will take a moment now to understand that awareness is not something that you can “achieve”, but rather, it’s a state of being that you can notice. It’s not a trophy or a goal, it’s what remains when effort stops. Just like you know when you’re tired, you don’t begin the act of becoming tired by setting out to achieve such a state of being, but rather, you simply become aware of it when you are in it. No one sits in their bed and has to think about becoming tired, they just are tired.
We’ve begun to notice the masks from last week’s post, The Performance of Personality. Now, we’re going to notice the observer itself.
This awakening we are seeking to understand is not going to come with an exclamation point, no one is going to give you a shoutout when you finally reach an understand. The awakening comes to us as a calm presence, you will subtly get it, one day, and then you are aware. This awareness is the crux of Act I, as we seek to broaden our understanding of nature and how it all fits together. As we learn more about Zen and discuss this philosophy, we will broaden our understanding and then we will enter into the state of understanding.
What Awareness Really Is
There’s a difference between being in a state and thinking about a state. In other blog posts, I encouraged you to think about nothing. What I mean by this: is to not think about nothing in a literal sense, because then you’ll start thinking about an empty space or a blank spot or trying to force something into your mind’s eye that signifies nothing; rather, what you should aim to do is to have nothing occupying your thoughts. A blank slate, if you will.
Oftentimes when there is a remembrance or tragedy, someone will ask for a moment of silence. They’re not asking you to recall the person that was lost or think sympathetic thoughts about whatever the issue was, they’re asking you to keep your mind quiet and live in this particular moment. They’re asking you to think of nothing, to say nothing in your mind’s monolog. They do this because they want you to establish a deep awareness of the situation you are holding the moment of silence for.
When you think about awareness, you are putting focus on it, and therefore trying to define it, or study it, as if it were another object or issue you need to investigate. It’s not. Awareness is just what we’re looking at, it’s just what’s there, it’s just what we’re feeling.
Frequently, I stop and notice the aromas when I am cooking dinner. I smell the rosemary and thyme mixing in with the simmering butter as I add the protein, it sears as I place it into the pan and brings forth wonderful aromatic indulgences. These cause me to inadvertently smile when I cook. Though, in these moments, I am not active thinking about the smells or how good they make me feel, I am simply aware of them and my expression of happiness is unconscious. I’m simply living in the moment and in the state of awareness.
In other scenarios, people ask me what I’m smiling about or what I’m thinking about, and often I’m not really thinking about anything in particular, I’m just aware of the moment and I’m enjoying it.
Breathing as Awareness
Breath is the physical anchor between the inner and outer worlds. I suggest you take one slow normal breath now. Don’t count it or deepen it, just notice it happening. You are aware of it without any effort.
Just as we observed our breath, we are connected to that moment, because awareness doesn’t happen independently. There isn’t an observer and an observed, but rather, we are connected to these experiences through awareness.
If you happened to need invasive surgery, you would likely be put under general anesthesia. Later, when you wake up, you’ll be unaware of what just happened to you, and you’ll probably be confused or disoriented. This is an example of why disconnecting awareness can cause confusion, not only in this literal example but this also occurs when we aren’t aware of our surroundings, our feelings, or our emotions. If you take a hike through the woods and if you’re not paying attention to your surroundings you’ll very quickly become lost.
We are not independent silos of thought in this universe, we are connected to nature, just as your breath is connected to your own personal awareness, the universe is aware of itself through us and all living things.
The Practice of Observation
Awareness is simple, but difficult to accept because the mind tries to occupy itself constantly. Phrases exists like my mind was wandering, or I was day dreaming, or I thinking about something else. The mind is always searching for something to latch onto. Our goal is to resist the urge to constantly fill our mind’s space with awareness.
We see this a lot with performative meditation. As we discussed before, there is an entire industry out there about the performance of meditation, but what they are selling you is a line of thinking that takes up space in your mind. They want you to think about meditation, and how you’ll appear to other people that see you meditating. They don’t particularly care if you actually meditate or ground yourself in awareness, they just want to sell you that class or product or whatever it is.
I want you to actually meditate, I want you to become aware of yourself and nature around you. Cast aside this image of yourself and simply start becoming aware of life as it happens.
Whenever you feel comfortable, start allowing yourself to become more observant.
Later today, or perhaps tomorrow, pick an ordinary act, such as making coffee, feeding the dog, or brushing your teeth, and give that single act your full attention. Don’t talk to yourself or give commentary or think about whatever it is you’re doing. Don’t go over the characteristics of the act, just be aware of what’s happening.
I will often live as slowly as I can in the morning. Outside, I let my dog run around my yard as I look out toward the rising sun and the colors it cascades over the mountaintops and I love how they change the way the clouds look. Sometimes, I lose track of how long I’ve been out there and almost become late for work. It’s in these moments that I am aware of nature and how beautiful it is without having to tell myself about it. I don’t take photos of it, or try to put it in my pocket, I just take in the moment and live in that awareness that nature is fantastic.
Awakening in Ordinary Moments
Awareness is not a mythical aspect of life that we cannot obtain, it’s the rediscovery of what’s always been there. Take those moments to enjoy the good times in life and also be aware of the other side of the pendulum.
Being aware deepens our understanding of the cosmos, and of our own lives. There will be good times and bad, some people may experience more good times than bad and vice versa, but awareness that the universe is always in balance is what we are seeking to understand.
Awareness isn’t a summit you reach. It’s the mountain realizing it was the sky all along.
Scott Stillman is an author of a book called Wilderness, The Gateway to the Soul. Chapter six, he wrote something that I believe has some meaning behind your blog here. He said, “Some would call my experience meditation, but the word itself I find too distracting. If meditation is something you do, then this is quite the opposite. There is no trying here. No nothing. Only sitting, observing, stillness, and splendor.” He continues, “Perhaps meditation is simply anything we do with our full attention, full awareness, full heart. Anywhere we find truth, or love.”