As we begin Act III: Understanding Purpose, we must first understand the ego. We need to know what it is, what it does, and how we can use that understanding to improve our lives and reduce anxiety. Sometimes the word can carry a negative connotation, but in reality, the ego is a neutral term. Its context simply implies its mortality. The ego can be a maniac that tries to lord over everyone, or the ego could be a shy and bashful person who doesn’t want to talk to you.
If you’re new to the website, please review Acts I and II to get caught up on our discussions. Understanding awareness and how we question our “self” is important to learn before getting into the topics of reasoning and purpose.
What is the Ego? Definitions and Examples
Merriam-Webster defines ego as a noun meaning “the self especially as contrasted with another self or the world.” They offer another definition: “the one of the three divisions of the psyche in psychoanalytic theory that serves as the organized conscious mediator between the person and reality especially by functioning both in the perception of and adaptation to reality.” Source: www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ego
The Internal Narrator: The ego acts as the constant voice in your head that tells the story of who you are. It is not a physical part of the brain, but rather a collection of thoughts, labels, and memories that it uses to create the “I” that we refer to. When we tell people what sports teams we like, what kind of car we want, or which politics we agree with, that is the “I” talking. We have imprints from society, upbringing, and friends. Our egos use this information to generate a “self.”
The Shield and the Sword: The ego serves to protect your identity. It uses the “shield” to deflect anything that contradicts your self-image and the “sword” to attack anything that threatens your status. When someone makes a mistake, they very often try to find something else to blame. We say things like “I was late because there was a ton of traffic” to protect our own identity. We want other people to believe it was the fault of something else and not a blemish on our character.
Examples of Ego in the World:
- The Title Ego: Feeling a sense of superiority or anxiety based on your job title or professional rank.
- The Comparison Ego: Looking at someone else’s achievements and feeling “lesser than” or “greater than” based on their success.
- The Defensive Ego: Getting angry when someone criticizes your work because you have confused your work with your “self.”
The Ego’s Demand for Destiny
The ego loves the concept of destiny. If there is a “plan,” the ego feels safe and important. It wants to believe it is the main character of a cosmic movie. It thinks there is safety in a script. However, even the most well-made movies have an ending, and so do all destinies and all egos.
Scripts or plans are irrelevant. There is a saying that “When you make plans, God laughs.” This means whatever you planned to do, something completely out of your control may alter your destination. When the pandemic struck, many plans were changed. Understanding that you are a feather in the wind when life happens is the ultimate way of looking at change. We should aim to adapt to it and embrace it. Fighting against it is a losing battle that results in anxiety.
The Fear of Being Nothing
Our ego’s greatest fear is being nothing. We fear dying. Of course, the physical experience is scary; the pain or decay that comes with it. However, the majority of our anxiety comes from the ego’s disdain for being nothing. It cannot stand the inevitability of becoming nothing. The ego’s whole point of existence is to try and cement itself in a world where nothing ever endures. It fears being unimportant and out of control.
This is why many people feel safer when they drive versus when they fly. Statistically, it is far safer to fly, but people would rather drive because they are “in control” of the vehicle. Once the ego feels it doesn’t have control over an idea, it starts to generate fear.
Let’s go through an exercise: Think back in history, prior to your birth. You were nothing 100 years ago; you weren’t here. Does that give you anxiety? Probably not, because it already happened. But that same state of nothing will occur again after your death. This time, it brings immense levels of panic. Why? It’s because the ego is here now, and it doesn’t want to become nothing. Your anxiety comes from a perceived lack of control, but there was never anything to control in the first place. Once you realize you cannot control it, you realize that you already are nothing. The fear goes away when the ego is subdued.
From Ego to Observer
Our task is to step out of our ego and see life through the lens of an observer. After you can name your ego for what it is and see its patterns, it loses its power over you. You are the one witnessing the ego’s stories, not the stories themselves.
Shift your tone when you interact with life. The inner monologue that runs through your brain is the omnipresence of the ego. When you put a stop to that incessant speaking in your head, you can focus on interacting with the world and simply existing. If you constantly speak to yourself, your ego is telling you how to behave. Once you remove that voice, you allow yourself to observe what is happening around you and respond accordingly.
When you let go of the ego and become the observer, you may feel that you’re becoming ordinary. There is freedom in that. You no longer have to live up to the expectations that your ego has drawn up. You just get to live your life and exist as a part of the universe’s growth.
Let’s Reflect
Think of a time today when you felt offended, proud, or defensive. Can you identify which “layer” of your ego was being activated? What happens if you look at that feeling as a separate object rather than “you”?