Changes in life can be “good” or they can be “bad“, depending on how you perceive the change that is going on with you. Sometimes, we experience a change that we see as negative, at the time of its occurrence, but when we look back on it, we figure out that we wouldn’t be where we are today with going through that “negative” time.
We need times of strife and times of negative emotion in order to experience times of happiness and joy.
Although, not all change is necessarily bad. Change can be good initially and then lead to even better results down the line. Say, for example, you are not getting along very well with some of your colleagues at work and you decide to look for a new job. Then, you find this new job that fits your life much better, and they pay you more and you get along with your new associates much better. In this example, change can compound to even greater heights.
The Butterfly Effect
You’ve probably heard of this term before, but for a refresher, let’s review the definition: (in chaos theory) the butterfly effect is the phenomenon whereby a minute localized change in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere.
In simpler terms, it basically means that anything that moves you or changes your course in life can have drastic downstream effects on your life later in time.
For example, lets say you are walking down the street and you notice a coffee shop in a direction you weren’t planning on going. The sign enticed you, so you decided to go that way instead, and a major car accident happened on your original route and several pedestrians were injured. You probably would’ve been hurt too, if that coffee shop didn’t divert your path.
In an alternative to this example, you go into the coffee shop and order a drink, and bump into an old friend that you had a romantic interest in. You strike up a conversation with this person and exchange updated phone numbers, then later down the line you begin dating and eventually get married. If that coffee shop sign was facing a different direction, or you didn’t notice it on this specific day, your entire life’s trajectory would’ve been different.
Butterfly Effect and Zen
We now know that little effects on our daily lives can have drastic outcomes to our life, either in that moment or later down the line. This applies to our understanding of Zen because we need to learn to flow with these changes, and flow with the butterflies.
Let go of your attempt to grasp onto life, as if we can control all of the changes that could potentially occur around us, and let the events of the universe unfold. If you accept that you cannot control your own destiny, and that the universe will decide for you, then you will be able to let go of the idea of controlling everything and enjoy the ride more.
Think of it like a rollercoaster. People get on this very fast and very dangerous machine to experience a thrill, and they throw their hands up into the air to fully experience it. You should do the same with life, and enjoy it as it comes to you.
We are all on this earth together, which is a rock flying through space at 67,000 MPH, and everything around us is decaying and falling apart. There is nothing to hold onto. The trees that seem so strong and sturdy today will one day fall over, you cannot hold onto them and you cannot hold onto safety. Learn to enjoy the moments as they come to you, and understand that everything everywhere is changing all at once.
Embracing Impermanence
When we see that everything is temporary, even our struggles begin to soften. Think about a time when you argued with your spouse or parent (or someone close to you). It’s likely that whatever it was that began the argument is a distant memory. Can you even remember what you were fighting about? So often we let our emotions dictate how we react. We should try to realize in the moment how impermanent life is, and how anything can change a moment’s notice. Try to remember my previous paragraph: We are all flying through space together on a ball of rocks and dirt, that will eventually be gone. Everyone and each person’s history will vanish from the earth, and so will the earth, in time. So, perhaps forgive your spouse and not make everything a big deal. You do not need to respond every time you have an emotional reaction to something, you can simply breathe and let it pass.
Unless, of course, the fight is about something important to you. I am not suggesting that you let everything slide, there are circumstances where I believe you should raise your opinion or stand your ground. If someone’s actions truly crossed a boundary you can’t reconcile, it’s okay to step back instead of forcing forgiveness. Peace doesn’t always mean reconciliation.
Zen teaches us that clinging is the root of suffering. We hold onto ideas of how life should go, how it is supposed to go, how people should act, how outcomes should unfold. But the universe doesn’t operate on should’ve, could’ve, would’ve; the universe flows with itself, and we should follow that vibe.
I spoke about how to be comfortable being uncomfortable while change is occurring before on a different post. I encourage you to read more if you’re interested further in this topic of constant change: Comfortable Being Uncomfortable: How to Grow with Change.
The Art of Surrender
Surrender doesn’t mean giving up, it means learning how to give yourself to the situation. What I mean is we don’t control the life around us, but we can learn to enjoy it. For example, a big ocean wave is coming for you. You don’t control that ocean wave, but you can learn how to surf it. Now, imagine how crazy someone would look if they were at the beach, trying to control the waves! They would be a fright, and everyone would undoubtedly think the person was crazed.
This person would be standing there, shouting at the waves, trying to grab them and put them in their place. How silly? Wouldn’t you agree? This same concept applies to much of life, but rather we don’t think it crazy when it happens in situations we’ve deemed acceptable. Like someone trying to control where a cat sleeps or how a tree grows.
When we surrender to life, we become aligned with it. We feel lighter, like we can just go with the flow. Eventually, we would experience less pain, because we’re not adding resistance to what is happening. There is a power in letting go. All you have to do is breathe, notice, and let each moment unfold.
Flutter on by
The butterfly never worries about the wind, it simply rides it. I believe that is what we are here to learn: to trust every gust, every unexpected detour, as its all a part of a larger motion that we cannot see. We were never meant to control the wind, only to feel it.
So, next time life shifts beneath you, try not to grasp for the past or look for something to hold onto. Instead, open your hands, and feel the air move between your fingers.
You’re exactly where you need to be, carried forward by unseen wings.